- Previously on Warehouse 13...
- There's a bomb in sykes' wheelchair!
- How did you know about that?
- You came into my house and stole from me,
And I will respond in kind.
- Someone from Artie's past
Has been breaking into the Warehouse
And sending out artifacts.
- Basically undoing his life's work as a Warehouse agent.
- But nothing's showing up on the security feeds.
- Which would explain why I've been having the mega-vibes.
- But not why Artie's been keeping us out of the loop.
- Or what black diamonds mean.
He's probably just trying to protect us.
- Yes, but from whom?
- [sighs heavily]
None of you are reacting.
[robotic voice] "unhand me, human."
Zzzt! [groans in pain]
- Here, look.
I used to be 5'7". Now I'm 5'10 1/2".
I did not make this up.
- Yeah, trust me, we've heard stranger.
- Please be careful.
- We're always careful.
[clank]
[robots whirring and beeping]
- Says here, uh, mr. Byck, that you updated
Your online dating profile on tuesday.
- Yes, women consistently prefer taller men,
Which they should.
Taller men on average are more successful,
And they make more money.
- Yeah, well, tom cruise is 5'7",
But you stick with that. Also...
Chicks love robots.
- But that was before it got painful?
- When this started, I didn't care how or why.
I was thrilled.
But I have enough things wrong with me.
I don't need all my joints to ache too.
- Asthma, heartburn...
Restless leg, wellness anxiety...
Hey, these are all alphabetical.
I've cracked the code.
- Would you please--
- Jeez.
- Mr. Byck, what's wellness anxiety?
- Hypochondria.
I might have that too.
Both: Nooo.
- It's hard to believe commander data over there
Hasn't found his soul mate.
- You think Artie just sent us on a wild goose chase
To get us out of the Warehouse?
- Well, whatever he's keeping secret from us,
Steve and Claudia'll find out, and they'll let us know.
- Hmm.
Pete...
Look, he--he's taller than the stove hood now.
- It's not a wild goose chase after all.
Hey, Leena.
Barry byck has improved his dunk.
- So have two others. I'm sending over the info now.
A john tufano, near you, and a lisa bernardo
On the other side of town.
- And I suddenly realized I was taller.
I was trying out a new recipe for the potluck--
Moussaka.
- Yeah, maybe I should just--
- And all of the sudden,
I could reach the pots hanging above the range
That I couldn't reach before.
[Farnsworth buzzes]
- Guys, we got another one.
- Pete, this is spreading fast. - [screams]
[screaming]
What's happening to me?
[mysterious music]
♪
- [groaning]
- Artie, so far, there's been four cases.
There's no telling how widespread this thing could get.
- Yeah, they start out with just getting taller,
But pretty quickly, it escalates to really painful.
Gotta figure eventually it's gonna be, "now I'm dead."
- There's no obvious connection between the victims so far.
- Different parts of town, different jobs.
- There's one more person we have to contact.
- Anthony... - A lawyer named anthony...
- Seklir. - Seklir.
- So go talk to mr. Seklir.
- Artie, what are you doing?
- I'm organizing my wire collection.
It's gotta be an artifact.
Adults don't have growth spurts.
No short jokes, no fat jokes,
No age jokes.
- Well, then, I got nothing.
- So what about, um, paul bunyan's axe
Or david's slingshot?
- Or how 'bout a magical bag of beans?
- We got the axe. We got the slingshot.
The beans? Please. That's just a fairytale.
- Well, it's good to know where we draw the line.
- Someone call a handyman? [metal clangs]
- What are you trying to do, kill me?
What are you two doing here? - You first.
- Might it have something to do with your new bling?
- Wh-where did you-- where did you get that?
- We found it in the dark vault, where alice's mirror used to be.
- That's not unlike the box of them we found
In that garage filled with artifacts, is it?
Now, you said you were gonna tell everyone about that, Artie.
- I did not. I said I would handle it.
I said there was a protocol to these things.
- If I know my Warehouse backbone architecture,
And I think we can all agree that I do,
I'd say you were trying to fix
The artifact removal detection system,
Since obviously it's been on the fritz.
- Someone's been getting in and out
And stealing artifacts.
- And the burning question on every agent's mind is,
Why are you trying to hide it from us?
- Did it ever occur to you that part of my job
Is deciding what is and what is not part of your job,
And the reason I'm not telling you something
May just be because I am protecting you?
- Yes, that did occur to us.
We also considered crankiness, senility,
And Artie's just sugar-crashing.
Did it mayhaps occur to you
That we don't need protecting?
- I was a.T.F.
I raided heavily armed compounds for a living,
Not to mention that I've already died on this job.
- Yeah, and I was bodyjacked by alice because of this.
- Really? You're gonna compare that to dying?
- Focus.
- Excellent suggestion. Why don't you both focus--
On something else?
- Artie, if you don't tell us what we're up against,
How are we supposed to defend ourselves?
- You're obviously dealing with something huge.
Stop trying to do it alone, and let us help.
[traffic noise]
- I was already too tall.
Now I gotta buy all these new suits.
I mean, look at this.
Juries don't exactly trust a lawyer in capri pants.
Excuse me. I gotta eat.
[sighs]
I have a hearing at lunchtime.
- Ooh.
- What? - Oh, sorry.
It's just, I haven't eaten yet,
So it's kind of, ooh.
- In this line of work, grab it when you can.
- Mykes, can we get mexican? - No.
- [clears throat]
- What are those? - Heartburn.
It's too much stress.
- You know, mr. Seklir,
Hot sauce is great for that.
- Byck, our--our-- our first victim,
Wasn't he taking heartburn medication?
- What wasn't he taking?
Although reduxid does sound familiar.
- Okay, we need to check on barry byck
And confirm that's what he's taking,
Then find out if tufano and bernardo were taking it too.
- Gil, we're getting some odd reports
From docs prescribing reduxid in south bend, indiana.
They say their patients are getting taller.
I want to go check it out.
- Just south bend? You know that sounds crazy.
- I know. I know.
But sometimes you gotta follow up on crazy.
- If it turns out to be true and we get sued,
The less we know, the better.
- True, but on the flip side,
This could lead to possible treatments for osteoporosis
And growth hormone deficiency, cancer.
Plus there's research that shows
That men really want to be taller.
It's right up there with better in bed
And more hair.
- Go.
[man cries out]
- Barry, can you get to the door?
- Myka, stand back.
- [groaning]
[screaming]
Help me.
Help.
[groaning] Oh, god.
[siren wailing]
- So all four came in in the last couple hours.
Doc's got 'em on morphine. Says their--
Their body is literally pulling themselves apart.
Gives 'em, oh, two days tops on the outside.
- Well, I talked to Artie.
He's gonna look for something to slow the effect.
He'll send it to the hotel if he finds it.
- Yeah, but what does a heartburn pill have to do
With an artifact? - I don't know.
Maybe it's some sort of chemical in the pill
That interacts with the artifact
When someone touches it.
- So we're looking for something
That all four of these people touched in common.
- Pete, look at this.
Byck and tufano, both of them were prescribed reduxid
By the same gastroenterologist, a-a dr. Selden.
Maybe the artifact is, I don't know, at his office.
- Well, it's a place to start.
And maybe while we're there,
He can give me something for my gas.
- Well, Pete, he-- he's a doctor,
Not a magician.
- Can I help you?
- Yes, agents Bering and Lattimer.
We would like to speak to a dr. Selden, please.
- Uh, excuse me.
These people and I have been waiting.
- Pete? - Got it.
Sorry. Federal agents.
Very important.
Badge. Gun.
Chin.
- Okay, let's go.
- Reduxid is in early market trials,
And only a handful of doctors are prescribing it
In a select few cities.
- Did you treat all four of these patients?
- No, only byck and tufano. I don't know the others.
Can I help you? - Um, uh--
So this isn't the connection.
Uh, maybe we need to check the pharmacy
Where they got the pills.
- No, byck and tufano went to different drugstores.
- Can I ask what you're looking for?
- And, uh, can I be a part of this?
Hi. Me again.
- Right.
Uh, look, I know we had a little thing out there
With the chin,
But this is official business.
- Deb stanley, moorpark pharmaceutical.
We make reduxid.
[intercom beeps] - Dr. Selden,
Mr. Lieber is getting very impatient.
- Mr. Lieber and his spastic colon.
Excuse me.
- We would be very interested to know if our pill
Is making people taller.
- It's not just making people taller.
There are four people currently in critical condition
In the I.C.U. - I didn't know that.
Okay, if it is the pill,
It can't just be the pill.
Right? I keep tabs of all the doctors
That are participating in the trial,
And whatever's going on,
It's only happening here in south bend.
So if the f.D.A. Wants to get involved--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not the f.D.A., okay?
We're the secret service.
- Does the president have heartburn?
- Wouldn't you? - Ms. Stanley,
We're not going after your company,
And we already know that this is only happening
In south bend, so--
- We're trying to help these people.
- Good. Me too. - Well, uh,
Then you can get us a list of all the patients
Who are taking reduxid currently
That live in the city.
- Do you have a subpoena?
- [snickers]
- I know. subpoena.
It's kind of a funny word, right?
- It just sounds like-- - Pete.
- It's okay. I grew up with three brothers.
- Ah. - Penis. It sounds like penis.
- Okay. So...
You guys are looking for some environmental factor.
Right? Some place that the affected patients have been
Or something that they've done in common?
- Something like that.
- Then we work together.
- Oh-- - Kay. Okay.
- But-- - Okay.
Okay. So.
Patient info is all by code for confidentiality.
Now, I don't have the name of the patients.
I only have the doctors' numbers.
But I can call them.
I can ask them to have the patients talk to us.
- We still have to look into those four victims
That we already know about.
- Why don't we split up?
You dig into the four we know,
And I'll go play doctor with deb.
- "brother" adrian?
As in brotherhood of the black diamond?
- How--how did you--
- Well, as soon as we found the diamonds,
I did some surfing.
They're a secret society in france.
- Yeah, well, s-secret society doesn't quite capture it.
One of the last offshoots of the knights templar.
- So what's their beef with us?
- Not us. Me.
Brother adrian has a grudge against me personally.
- So that's why he's been stealing artifacts
That are meaningful to you.
- A grudge? More info, please.
- He's trying to force me
To do something that I...I can't do.
- What--what does he--
- What that is I can't tell you.
Suffice it to say it would be bad,
And that's all you get.
I'm maxed out on my sharing quota for the day.
- Okay, we'll wait outside.
We're just trying to help you here.
- [sighs]
I'm sorry. Thank you.
- "I'm sorry" and "thank you" in the same sentence?
Keep your eye out for four horsemen.
- It turns out the mayans were right.
- How is this guy even getting in?
I mean, there've been no security breaches,
No break-ins, no unauthorized open doors.
- Well, he's using an artifact, isn't he?
- One would assume.
- So do you have any idea how to find him?
- Uh, yeah, I've got a number,
But I've tried tracing it.
It's routed through all these anonymous handoffs.
It's impossible. - [laughs] oh, Artie.
You are adorable. This is why you ask for help.
The number, please.
- Anyone you tell will be in grave danger.
[cell phone ringing]
- Oh, secret service stuff.
- Ah. - Hey, mykes. Anything?
- No, there's no connection between any of the victims yet.
What about you?
How goes it with the, uh, second ex-future-mrs. Lattimer?
- Not bad, not bad.
She's not half the hard-ass we made her out to be at first.
Hey, mykes, uh,
We just hit the last of the docs on the list,
And none of the other patients are getting any taller.
- So it is limited to a small group.
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna go back to the hospital
And see if any of the victims can talk.
You stick with deb.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, there's still some connection
Involving reduxid that we haven't figured out,
So, you know, work your boyish charm.
Investigate.
- All right, well, twist my arm.
You tell the president I'll call him back
When I'm good and ready.
[phone beeps] Sorry.
- Yeah.
- So, deb, I gotta tell you,
You were, uh, pretty good with the docs in there.
- Wow. Sound more surprised.
It is what I do.
- [chuckles] no, I know.
It's just, uh, you know,
When we first met, I-- I don't know.
I thought you were gonna be a little more--
- Hard-ass?
- I meant it in the best possible way.
- As in, "wow, hard ass."
It's not exactly the compliment a girl's looking for.
- You can bounce a quarter off of mine.
- I do not want to know how you know that.
- [laughs] - Anyway,
As it happens, I like doctors.
My dad was one. He's gone now.
- Oh, mine too.
Uh, dead, not a doctor.
Also, sorry.
So why didn't you follow in his footsteps?
- Did you ever notice how most doctors
Already seem to know everything?
- What, you don't find that attractive?
- Oh, no, no, no. You're hiding that very well.
- Ah, see, there's that hard-ass thing again.
- Point is, I prefer working in new drug development.
And I like being in a field that's still discovering.
I mean, the world's full of surprises, right?
[loud knock at door]
- [inhales sharply] - What time is it?
- A little after 4:00.
- Pete, it's me. - [gasps]
- Hurry! - Pete!
- [huffing and puffing]
Hi. - Hey.
- Hi. - Hey.
[loud knocking] - Ooh! Dress! Okay.
- Open the door.
- Oh, hey, Myka. - Hey.
- Yeah, I'm sleeping, and-- and--okay.
- Get dressed, okay?
Leena picked up a 9-1-1 call from a new victim,
And Artie sent us this,
The gold spike that completed the transcontinental railroad.
It pulls things together. He thinks it might...
Slow...The symptoms...
You slept with her, didn't you?
- Well, you--you told me to investigate, okay?
So...
She's unarmed.
- You know what? Just get dressed, okay?
Just--oh!
- What?
- Okay, so this new victim
Is a christian scientist, all right?
Which means he doesn't have a doctor.
So he never took the pills.
The pill has nothing to do with this.
Why are you such a slut?
- Oh, Myka, would you please just go?
I'll be out in a minute.
- I'm leaving. Fine. Fine.
Slut.
[door slams]
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hi, deb.
This--this was great.
Okay? I mean, this was-- this was really great.
And I'm not-- I'm not just saying it, okay?
And I-I'm sorry that I have to run off and all,
But I just don't want you to think that I'm,
You know, that guy--
- Pete, listen.
I'm a big girl, you know.
Occasionally, I'm that guy.
- Oh, okay. Dude. - Yeah.
- That's--
But you would've called me, though, right?
I mean...
Anyway, good news.
Uh, there's--there's no connection to your pill.
So the last guy who got taller,
He didn't even take it, so--
- Okay. Uh, wow.
Well, so what do we do next?
- Oh, we--
Wow. We--we--we don't-- we don't do anything.
Your company's in the clear.
But listen, I gotta go, okay?
- But--but, Pete. No, look.
Hey, hey, hey.
I didn't just come here to cover my company's butt, you know?
I want to help.
Let me be part of this.
- [sighs]
I'm sorry, okay? I--
You can't.
I'll call you though, okay? I'll call.
[door slams]
- I did ask nicely.
[radio dispatch chatter]
[groaning]
- Okay, you distract the emts.
I'll use the spike.
- Okay.
- [groaning]
- Unit 321, what's your status?
- We're onsite now.
- All right, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Okay, secret service.
Now, I need you to move this vehicle asap.
Copy that.
- Are you kidding me? - Okay.
All right, I'm gonna help you.
I need you to grab this.
Okay.
[metallic reverberation]
- [breathing slows] - Okay. All right.
You're gonna be okay.
All right.
- Certainly don't wanna interfere with secret service.
- What's that? Go for red zebra 34.
What? He changed his route?
Agh, that guy's a pain in my--
All right, dudes. Well, as you were.
But don't worry.
I'll get you a signed picture.
Meanwhile, you really should be taking care of that man.
[dramatic music]
♪
[muffled chatter]
[metallic reverberation]
- Well, this should buy us a few hours, anyway.
- Unless we figure out what's causing this,
All of these people are gonna die.
[line ringing]
- Gil? Hey.
It's, uh, it's not the reduxid.
But I-I think I'm onto something bigger.
These secret service agents,
They're part of some group that collects--
I don't know, uh,
Objects with unusual properties,
Things that make people grow taller
And suspend out-of-control tissue growth.
Who knows what other medical applications
They've been sitting on?
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, I've seen it with my own eyes.
- This could be huge for us. - I know, but listen.
This growing thing, it's really bad.
We've gotta figure out a way to help these people.
- Of course, of course.
The company would only pursue any product
If we could keep the adverse effects to a minimum.
It's just good business.
All right. Keep digging.
Let me know what you find. And, deb,
Good work. - Thanks.
- My fiance--
They brought him in in an ambulance.
- Are you looking for mr. Irving?
- Yeah.
- He's upstairs. I'll take you to him.
Hi, I'm deb.
I'm with a drug company that's trying to help.
Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about karl?
- Sure.
- That's the last one.
Give it a try.
[keyboard clicking]
[computer beeping]
- Uh, it's good. Yeah, it's good.
[alarm buzzing]
It's bad. Bad.
- Whoa, whoa, hey. What's wrong?
[tense music]
♪
- He got harriet tubman's thimble.
- Another bad thing.
- [mumbling] yeah, yeah, it lets you
Change your appearance into anyone, and--
- Artie, I don't speak mumble.
[Farnsworth buzzes] - [mumbles]
What?
- I got a 20 on brother adrian's cell.
Old mansion outside of sturgis, supposed to be empty.
[dramatic music]
[crow caws]
♪
- All right, listen.
This place is condemned and dangerous,
So be careful, and remember,
We take away whatever artifact he's using,
Take it into the Warehouse.
We cut off his access.
- What's this guy look like?
- Well, look at the place.
I mean, you see any other human being in there,
It's probably him.
All right, ear buds on. [beeping]
You guys go around the back. I'll take the front.
[crow cawing]
[thud, clatter]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Please be careful.
Remember, you're falling on your face for two now.
- Oh, thanks for your concern.
[phone beeping] Who you calling?
- Hoping he didn't leave it on vibrate.
[muffled ringing]
[ringing continues]
- At least we know he's here.
[wood creaks]
- Stop! - Hold it!
Artie, second floor, just above the back hall.
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Damn it, we lost him.
- All right, I'll come toward you.
Maybe we can trap him. - He was carrying
A wooden plank, maybe a yard long--
Oh, and old, with roman lettering.
Gotta be at least artifact-adjacent.
[monitor beeping]
- Something's giving me heartburn.
- Pete, if it's not the pill,
What if what they have in--in common
Is the symptom?
I mean, heartburn's caused by lifestyle.
- Stress, weight, eating habits.
- Do you still have those patient reports from deb?
- Yeah. These guys? - Yeah. Okay.
Um...Right.
Look, each of these victims had a spike
In their heartburn on the same night.
A couple days later, they started to get taller.
- Oh, so what'd they do on the 16th?
- So barry organized all his receipts by date.
- Color me shocked.
- Here, on the 16th,
He took a-a cooking class at a cooking school
Called le cordon bend.
He probably did it to meet girls.
- Right, well, here's their website.
Ah, and lookee there.
The class was taught by victim number five,
Karl irving.
Tastes of the mediterranean.
- Didn't lisa bernardo say
That she was trying a new recipe?
- Moussaka.
- They all took the same cooking class.
- Listen to this.
"karl's specialty is exotic, spicy foods."
- That explains why some of them were taking
The heartburn pill.
- "and his passion is collecting
"authentic antique cooking tools
"from around the world,
Which he uses in his classes."
Artifact jackpot.
This place has been cleaned out.
- But that doesn't make any sense.
- Oh, no. It--it does.
- I heard about it from the fiance.
- Yeah, I cleaned the place out.
I sent everything over to r&d for study.
Who knows?
Radiation? Chemical coating?
Maybe they can figure out a way to make this thing safe.
Thanks, gil.
I have another stop to make.
I'll be in touch.
[crow cawing]
- That wooden plank might be
The threshold of limentinus.
- The roman god of thresholds. Of course.
Tell me about the plank.
- Well, when it's placed at the base of anything,
It creates an opening.
- That's how he's been breaking in.
Do-- [wood creaks]
Yeah, you-- keep digging.
I'll get back to you.
[Farnsworth beeps]
[keyboard clicking]
[knock at door]
- Hi. Before you deny it,
I know that Pete Lattimer lives here,
I know he's not strictly secret service,
And I've got about a million questions about that.
May I come in?
[ominous music]
- Yes. Okay, thank you.
Yep, moorpark pharmaceutical bought the whole school.
Shipped it to research and development
In minneapolis.
- She used me. - Yes.
- That's kinda hot.
[Farnsworth buzzes]
Leena.
- Hi, guys.
Uh, there's a deb stanley here who says she knows you
And is asking all sorts of questions.
Isn't that interesting?
- Oh, my god.
This is, like, the worst one-night stand ever.
Okay, look, mykes.
I get a really good vibe off of her,
And I-I-I think that--that deb truly believes
That what she's doing is right.
So I'll just tell her that whatever she's found
She has to give back or else people are gonna die,
And--and I think she'll give it back.
- And how are you going to deny what we do
And admit that a cooking utensil has the power to kill?
- You are so smart. - Look, we'll just--
We'll bag it faster if we go to minneapolis.
So we'll split up, okay?
I'll go get the artifact, and you go home
And clean up your mess.
- Or--or maybe you could talk to deb.
Yeah, no, never mind.
Please don't still be there. Please don't still be there.
Please.
- Um, the secret service doesn't house their agents
In quaint little b&bs.
Who are you?
- Wait, how did you even find me here?
- I pulled some strings. I got your travel records.
- Okay, a little stalker-y.
Look, I know I rocked your world,
But you can't just follow me home.
- Oh, yeah. That's why I'm here.
You're gonna have to put a ring on it.
- Really? - No.
- What? - Look, I found out
That you guys were around a couple of years ago
When a wrestling team got buff quick.
Yeah, another time, there were rumors
Some old ladies got miraculously younger.
Things like this, they pop up on the radar
When you're in the business of finding new drugs.
But every time I dug further,
The stories got buried, and I think--
I think that you guys are the ones who buried them.
- Look, deb, for your own safety,
Get outta here now.
I work for some people that don't like strangers
Asking questions.
- Are they gonna put a bullet in my head?
- Maybe.
- Pete, I've seen this movie before.
Other people know I'm here.
Look, my boss is already on his way.
- Oh, man. Why am I so irresistible?
- I know, senator. I thought it was a myth too.
But I have it from a very trusted source.
I'm on my way to the airport now.
If this collection of objects does exist,
The government has no right to suppress it.
I mean, just think of the lost opportunity
To help people...
And the lost revenue.
Thank you.
You and your fundraising committee won't regret it.
All right. See you there.
[electronic buzzing]
- Artie? Where have you been?
- Yeah, uh, well, you know,
I searched the whole cellar, and nothing.
- Steve, the thimble. It's not Artie.
It's him.
- No! - No!
[gunshots]
[suspenseful music]
♪
He didn't have the plank with him.
- Well, maybe he stored it down here,
And he used the thimble in case we saw him.
[phone beeps] - Artie, can you read us?
[static] We're in the cellar.
- No, no, it's choppy.
What were those shots? Are you all right?
- We think that brother adrian
May have stashed the plank down here,
But now he might be heading your way.
- He made himself look like you.
[electronic buzzing]
- Do you have it in you
To shoot yourself, agent Nielsen?
- Wouldn't be the first time.
[whooshing sounds]
- Finally.
A little truth.
- Pete, I have been trying to make sense
Of these stories for years.
Don't shut me out now.
- Okay, look, whatever you think you're onto,
Or whatever you think you saw,
You're wrong.
Okay? Urban legends.
Modern folklore.
Just go away.
- Agent Lattimer.
May I have a word?
- Uh...
- A senator who had no idea about the Warehouse yesterday
Is today calling the white house and asking about it.
- Oh, god, mr. Kosan, I'm so sorry.
- Ms. Stanley works for a company
That has a great deal of influence.
They're pressuring the senator
To grant them access to our facility.
- Well, can they do that?
Can't Mrs. Frederic just make it go away?
- Mrs. Frederic is on her way to washington now,
But there are no guarantees.
- [sighs]
- The Warehouse has always had a delicate relationship
With the government that hosts it.
- All right, well,
Don't the regents have a plan for this sort of thing?
- We do.
It's very messy...
And borders on treason.
- Yeah.
Maybe we don't want to go there just yet.
- There is an alternative,
But it relies on you.
- M-me?
Haven't I done enough?
- What do your vibes tell you?
- That I'm in a heap of trouble.
- Not about you. About her.
- Yeah. Yeah, she's okay.
She's a good egg.
- Is she smart?
- Yeah, she's very smart.
She's almost Myka smart.
- Hmm.
Then perhaps we need to consider another option.
- I can't believe I'm saying this,
But welcome to Warehouse 13.
[majestic music]
♪
Artie does that a lot better.
[man screaming]
[screaming continues]
- Try to breathe. I'm calling 9-1-1.
- [groaning]
- Okay, I-I-I'm getting help, so just hang on.
- Uh, everything's gonna be fine.
Trust me, okay?
I'm the only one that can help him.
Just tell me what he touched.
- Uh... - [groaning]
- Everything but the chicken.
- [laughing] how big is this place?
- I have no idea.
I've worked here for three years,
And I have yet to see a wall, so--
- How long has it been here?
- Uh, I don't know. About a hundred years.
But--but warehouses like it have--have existed
For way longer.
I mean, like, since, like, alexander the great.
- It's incredible. The things in here--
I mean, it can-- we could extend life.
We could cure disease.
You could end hunger and misery.
- Uh, yeah, the thing is, deb,
What you're looking at, all this stuff,
I mean, it's thousands of years of people doing
The smartest thing they could do,
And that's locking it all away,
Because it all has a downside,
And it's usually pretty nasty.
- Everything has a downside. Come on.
Fire has a downside.
We just have to learn how to control it.
- Yeah, but this can't be controlled.
I mean, it's not science.
- Science isn't science until it is.
Isaac newton believed in the occult.
Albert einstein refused to accept quantum mechanics.
We still don't even know what all of our dna does.
Why is everyone so convinced
That the age of great discovery is over?
- Okay. [chuckles]
This sounds like more than a drug exec talking.
Why is this so important to you?
- My dad had parkinson's.
He was a brilliant man, and his body betrayed him.
In the end, he couldn't walk.
He couldn't speak.
What if you've got something in here that could help
Others like him before it's too late for them?
- Okay, come on.
I want to show you something.
This artifact...
Could have cured your dad.
But to use it,
You have to give the disease to someone else.
This raincoat, uh,
It boosts your immunity to the point
That nothing can hurt you,
But it turns you into a serial killer.
- Okay, so we-- we don't use those.
- It's not that simple, deb. Okay?
There are things here that--
That could wipe out a country or start a famine.
I mean, how do we tell the world about some of it
And keep the rest a secret?
I know your heart's in the right place,
But what about your boss?
I mean, will he always do the right thing?
I mean, isn't his job to think about money first?
What if--what if he has friends that--that build weapons
Or want to control governments for "all the right reasons"?
Will those guys always do the right thing?
Can you promise me that?
Can you take that risk?
- He touched a lot of it. - [groaning]
- We--we don't have time for this, okay?
Just--just narrow it down for me.
Where was he standing last?
- Uh, he was standing at that batch.
- [screaming]
[suspenseful music]
♪
- rodos.
Rhodes. People-- people growing.
The--the colossus!
- He scraped the inside of that bowl
For a surface sample.
- Must have sped up the effect.
Just--just cover your eyes.
[zapping and crackling]
- What the hell was that?
- It was nothing.
Nothing at all. Just, um,
You know, tell-- tell your friend, uh,
Drink a lot of water.
- Tell me exactly what the evil is
That will be released, and maybe I can stop it.
[electronic buzzing]
We're going to find the threshold, you know.
You've gotten into the Warehouse for the last time.
- I have other artifacts.
And I'll keep using them until you restore
The day you erased with the astrolabe.
- You might want to rethink that.
If I restored the other timeline...
You'd be dead.
- Well, then,
That's the natural order of things.
I've dedicated myself to eradicating evil,
And if sacrificing my life is what it takes,
I'm willing to do that.
[eerie music]
- There.
- Artie, we found the threshold.
Gonna take us a minute to get to it.
[clattering] Oh!
Careful.
- Got it.
[clattering]
[suspenseful music]
♪
- You've spent your life containing evil.
You know that I'm right about this.
I can see that you're afraid of it.
- Don't talk to me about my life.
You know nothing about me.
- I know everything about you.
And I'm going to keep dismantling your life
Until you comply,
Erasing every good deed you ever did,
Isolating you from everyone you've ever cared about.
- [softly] everyone I care about.
Everyone I care...
[Farnsworth beeps] Claudia!
Steve, stop!
Do not--
Don't move! Can you hear me?
[static]
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Claudia, steve!
[suspenseful music]
♪
- Breathe, obi wan. We heard you.
- We found a trip wire, so we tripped it.
On purpose. Thanks for the heads-up, Artie.
- Yeah.
I-I-I was afraid that you were buried alive again.
- What?
- Uh, what? - Again?
- Why do you only listen to me when I don't want you to?
Oh, good.
- Thanks again for coming, senator.
- This had better be worth it, gil.
I'm missing two important votes on the floor.
- Oh, trust me, don,
You'll be glad I showed you this.
My associate assures me it's a phenomenon.
- This way, gentlemen.
Welcome...
To storage space six.
- This?
This is the secret government stash
That's gonna blow the lid off washington?
[toy whizzes]
If I were you, gil, I'd fire my associate
And find someone who's not gonna waste my time
And make you look like an idiot.
- So Myka says the artifact was a marble bowl.
Looks like it was carved from the ruins
Of the colossus of rhodes.
She also talked to the people at the hospital.
I guess everybody there is okay.
- Good.
Well, maybe one of them is hiring,
'cause I'm pretty sure I just got myself fired.
- Yeah. Sorry about that.
So what made you change your mind?
Did I--did I charm you again, or--
- I saw the rod of asclepius down there.
That's the original, huh?
- Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
That baby almost took off my hand one time.
It's an interesting story. We were in egypt, and--
- Hippocratic oath. You know, that's my dad's oath.
First, do no harm.
So I think probably the best no harm I can do
Is to help keep this place secret.
- Ms. Stanley.
Agent Lattimer, would you excuse us?
- Oh, uh, well...
Yeah. Are--are you--
Are you gonna erase her memory?
If you don't remember me,
When you hear, "hey, hey, hey"--
- Agent. - Yes.
- [clears throat]
- Thank you for your assistance today.
- After I caused the whole problem.
- We'll call it a learning curve.
- You don't strike me as government issue.
What is your part in all of this?
- I'm a member of what you might call
A civilian oversight board.
We're known as the regents.
- You're the ones who decided to let me in on this today.
- We rely heavily on the input of our agents.
- Well, Pete's a really good guy, you know.
You should hang on to him.
- We intend to.
When someone tries as hard as you did
To find the Warehouse and then shows
Considerable wisdom in their actions,
Perhaps they're meant to be part of what we do.
Sometimes that's how we find new regents.
Might that interest you?
- Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Well, you know, uh...
It might, you know.
- Good. Then we'll continue our discussions.
And time will tell.
Put that down.
- Oh. [glass shatters]
- [laughs]
[majestic music]
♪
- You were great.
All right, so the big bad brother is on the run.
It's time to apply pressure, right?
- Right, now he can't get into the Warehouse anymore--
- Hold it, hold it. Hold it, hold it, hold it.
You were right, I was handling too much for myself,
And I did need your help, so thanks.
- That's why we're here. - And here comes the--
- but there is still a part of this
I can't tell you because even knowing about it
Would put people in danger.
So this is where your involvement ends.
You are done. Understood?
- But Artie-- - Okay.
- We're not done, are we?
- Not by a mile.
[light knocking]
[ominous music]
♪
- I presumed you'd rather we speak alone.
- You presumed right.
Did you find the knife?
- I have a few leads.
There's something we need to discuss first.
Something that's been on my mind.
- What would that be?
- When you pled on my behalf to the regents,
I understand you spoke with great certainty
That I would lay down my life for the Warehouse.
- Uh, yes, well,
I'm a good judge of character.
- Yes, you are.
But are you also a good judge of wheelchairs?
You quite suddenly knew that mr. Sykes
Had brought a bomb with him
And precisely where it was hidden.
- Do you know how long I've been doing this job?
I had an instinct.
- Artie, if there's one subject
I'm rather a world-class expert on, it's time travel.
Bit of an unhealthy obsession once, really.
And the more I've thought about it, the more I'm convinced
It's the only explanation for your behavior.
- N-no, it's not. - You knew things
The rest of us couldn't
Because you've been ahead in time and come back again.
- Y-you can't tell anyone.
- I already have.
- Oh, my god. What have you done?
- I've shared my suspicions with Mrs. Frederic.
Artie, I don't know why
You've been keeping this a secret,
But I believe you used magellan's astrolabe.
- Anyone you tell will be in grave danger.